There are days when I have unexplained jitters about getting married. They occur more and more often now as the Big Day draws close, oftentimes, at levels approaching the lines of "panic". My mom has a theory about it. She thinks it stems from taking too long to make the step, from growing too comfortable with being alone. She always says that with a "tsk tsk"-ish tone, and always ending with "If only you had married (name) when you were (age)," much to my amusement. In any case, with my delay I now join the ranks of Diane Sawyer, Marcia Cross, Sandra Bullock, Sharon Stone, Christiane Amanpour ... beautiful, strong, accomplished women who tarried and dillydallied before taking the plunge. I should wear that as a badge of honor, if not as the scarlet letter to mark my delusion for including myself alongside them. But heck, until C came along, the shirts just didn't quite fit right. And while I am one who needed my space and independence, and my "reasonably" stubborn streak (a much-desired virtue among lawyers anyway), "the others" just seemed to share the same qualities in proportions that clashed with mine. My defense mechanism when I get the jitters is to remind myself of the moment when I just knew that C was "The One"-- the dawning realization my married friends promised would come when the one meant for forever shows up. I have the memory of that split second vividly in my mind. And thankfully, remembering that itty-bitty magical moment calms and reassures me. Well, at least until the next attack. (:
Photo: WINDOW on top of entrance to the Symphony Center (home to the Chicago Symphony Center), Michigan Avenue, Chicago. (c)2006
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2 comments:
I sort of sympathize with your jitters- "sort of" because my husband and I eloped within about three days of deciding to get marries (and three weeks of dating!), so there was no time for jitters. (And, btw, baby number one made her appearance about ten months after that.)
I think there will be times, whether you elope as I did or live with someone for 15 years first, that you will look at your mate and remember the good parts about being "alone". And well you should, because a good period of alone helps shape who you are. But while togetherness isn't for everyone, I know many people (including myself) who thrive and grow with the right person. It's nice to have friends to bounce ideas off of as you find who you're supposed to grow to be- how wonderful that you've found the one person that you "knew" would be able to be there for you for (hopefully) the rest of your life.
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